By Sondria

First of all, I LOVE ARCHER SO HARD (phrasing), and I would follow H. Jon Benjamin’s voice to the ends of the earth. If you have had the opportunity to indulge in either series, you know that Sterling Archer (Archer) and Bob Belcher (Bob’s Burgers) are voiced by the same human: H. Jon Benjamin. However, my infatuation with the voice began when I was a high school pup–some, twenty-odd years ago–with a little four-season series called HOME MOVIES.

Home Movies was about a kid named Brendan Smalls who was a filmmaker. He constantly makes movies on an old-school camcorder with his two besties Jason Penopolis (voiced by Benjamin) and Melissa Robbins. My favorite character in this cartoon is an obvious standout: Coach John McGuirk (Brendan Small’s soccer coach and P.E. teacher, who even does a brief stint dating Brendan’s mother…but moving on–). McGuirk was most dazzling for many of the same reasons I would later come to love Archer for. And with the exception of the ornery soccer coach’s occupation and blockheaded unattractiveness–he and Sterling could be energetic twins: both mainly motivated by booze and booty. You wanna talk about “inappropes”?! John McGuirk wrote the book on INAPPROPES!

On December 17, 2023 (the 18th on HULU), FXX presented an hour-long Archer special “Into the Cold”.  It was a fine farewell that evoked many tears out of your dogmatic editor’s eyes–so I have written this piece–to analyze the notes I took during my first time watching the finale.  These notes were originally taken to help me remember which points to bring up to my brother (UncleVono) during our post-screening re-cap.

NOAH: Do you even know what an idiom is?

ARCHER: Colloquial metaphor.

Heart of Archness, S.3/E.2

***READER BEWARE: IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN “INTO THE COLD” THE ARCHER FINALE YET–THERE WILL BE SEVERAL SPOILERS GOING FORWARD–ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.***

ANALYZING MY 1ST-SCREENING NOTES

• So off top, I’m happy to see Archer in bed with two ladies–I know (and love) him to be “Mr. Bitches”, and it was really weird and slightly depressing to see his mojo failing him all last season.
• Barry’s energy is trapped in a fridge–is this a play on the finale’s title “Into the Cold”? 
• Lana berates Cyril like in the good old days and mentioned his peen! She went on a Malory rant…THAT is what she was missing last season–angry boss! She was too busy trying not to be Malory–but she’s been training for this ever since she quit college and followed the O.G. to her future in espionage.

• In season 1 of Archer, Lana Kane is introduced as a fellow spy, Archer’s ex, and the main squeeze of ISIS (the spy agency and main setting of the series) accountant, Cyril Figgis.  Before the odd couple’s eventual breakup, Cyril has to suffer frequent Archer comparisons and Lana’s busting of his (implicitly gargantuan) balls. 
• “Malory” is Malory Archer, the head of ISIS and Sterling Archer’s mother (voiced by the late, great Jessica Walter). She often went on rants of exquisitely lethal employee beratement. The character was dissolved elegantly when the actress passed away in 2021, Lana Kane (voiced by Aisha Tyler) replaced Mallory as head of ISIS after 2021.

!!! Slater shows up right before the commercial break!

• Slater, voiced by (and identical to) Christian Slater is a former CIA agent, and notorious enemy of ISIS–he and Archer particularly don’t get along–this point is emphasized in the finale. 

***this section of notes stops 14 minutes, 46 seconds into the finale when there is the first commercial break.***

• When we come back from the break Archer flies into an airplane butt naked to attack Slater–and it’s EPIC. 
• THEN PLOT TWIST #2: KATYA RETURNS ON SLATERS TEAM! She shoots Archer in the arm, then confirms her pussy still vibrates all after the fact.  (Archer had asked earlier.)  This bit of answering once the question’s pertinence has subsided is CLASSIC KATYA. *Sterling Archer voice*
• There is a reference to the very first scene of Archer here–which is also the point at which I first shed tears during the finale.
• Is Cheryl back on heavy psychedelics? She’s acting like it!
  • When we first meet Cheryl Tunt, she has been stood up repeatedly by Archer.  She’s been sodomized, belittled, extorted, and even had her name changed to Carol when he couldn’t remember.  In what is possibly the most outrageous character arc of all time (another blog post worth considering), we see Cheryl become addicted to glue, LSD, and other hallucinogens, we learn she is an heiress, pyromaniac, with a choking kink as well! In the finale–she is back to being trippy, and they even let her arson-freak flag fly by having her help with an explosion. 
• In the first episode of Archer we enter with Archer chained to a wall being tortured by someone with a Russian accent, with cables hooked to a car battery. After Archer’s many critical quips about the battery being a golf cart battery, and the torturers accent being terrible–Mallory Acher’s voice shuts the torture session down from beyond a double mirror–sightin that the agent has failed his test–this is our introduction to Sterling and Malory and the series as a whole in its pilot episode.
• The scene is alluded to in the finale when the KGB’s flunky–equipped with a real russian accent and the proper amount of electricity to pose a threat–has Archer hemmed up in exactly the same way.  I cried immediately because it made me feel like the writers cared about me–and all the people like me who have been rocking loyally–the finale is full of references like this which makes it one of my favorite finales of all time–right in line with the finale from THE OFFICE (maybe I’ll talk about that series in the future).  

KRIEGER: Do you not know what rent is?

CHERYL: I wanna say…some kind of poor people food? Like kibble?

Into The Cold, Final Episode

• At 24 minutes, 11 seconds, Lana rounds up the troops for one last hurrah before ISIS is declared illegal by the UN. Pam hit us with a “SPLOOSH” at the end of Lana’s speech, 🥹 another first season reference to Pam crushing on (and smashing) Lana.  
• Barry is transferred into Krieger’s ex-harajuku hologram bride-to-be—yeah, you read all that correctly!
  • Algernop Krieger is ISIS’ in-house scientist and likely a clone of Hitler (Um…you’re just going to have to watch for more info on that 😂). Some of his pet projects include splicing animals with humans (ahhh, Pigly), cloning his co-workers, reanimating dead folks (Like Barry and Katya), replacing severed limbs with mechanics (a la Ray Gillette and Conway Stern), souping up his van, and the aforementioned hologram fiancee–Mitsuko Miyazumi (voiced by Juday Greer, who voices Cheryl Tunt)  Mitsuko always appears in a wedding gown, and often hassles Kreiger about setting a wedding date.  After years of failed attempts to get the marriage approved/legalized, Krieger shuts Mitsuko down–but she is remembered in our “Into the Cold” finale when Barry’s energy is transferred from the fridge into the hologram.  He looks like Barry–only as a hologram, in Mitsuko’s wedding gown. 
• Archer gets separated from the team and the planned plan starts to crumble–as it usually tends to.  When team and Archer cannot seem to get in contact with one another, Archer sends several shit-talking faxes about saving himself and not needing anyone–his last fax is assurance that the previous faxes were just hoaxes, and he finally gives the rest of team-ISIS his coordinates.
  • CLASSIC ARCHER!! An amazing way to give us Archer’s voicemail prank, one last time for the road. 
• At about 30 minutes into the show, it’s one of my favorite Archer heartthrobs and former Mallory Archer boy-toy: CHET MANLEY!!
  • We first meet Chet Manley during season 3’s “Heart of Archness”, as the old-timey, badass of a pilot, who is former ISIS and who Malory taps to find Sterling when he goes missing for three months following Katya’s death.
    • Barry killed Katya right after she and Archer got engaged.  This was payback for Archer sodomizing Barry’s fiance, and repeatedly injuring him. Kreiger eventually reanimates Katya and she and Barry link up and have crazy android sex and stay together for a while.  

• Katya versus Barry in a final showdown and I think it’s about to be amazing–but Barry ends up being tiny! Hahahahahaha…it’s hilarious.
  • The Archer/Barry/Katya love triangle is another thing you have to see to grasp–but in the FINALE–the trio’s discrepancies are solved by a threesome: Barry’s energy is finally transferred into Katya’s body and Archer hits it!!!

Sensational! So in conclusion…I had things I wanted to happen before I saw the actual finale…I wanted Archer’s father to be revealed as either Chet Manley or Burt Reynolds. I wanted Archer and Pam to end up together…etc. But nothing I wanted was better than what the Archer-makers created, and that’s all a gyal could ask for. Many of my old favorites have had bitter/abrupt/unplanned ends, or they stick around longer than they are good–Archer went out with the dignity of a slightly blacker turtleneck.

Farewell, my animated friends–and LONG LIVE MALORY ARCHER!

LANA: Can you finally admit I’m good at my job?ARCHER: No. But it’s a soft no.

Everything is paper.

Happy Writing ✍🏿✨

~Sondria